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www.xanga.com/teddymaru
add me!!!!!!
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| Been about 14 hours since Christine (Seung Lee) got on the plane to go back to Korea. It's been a crazy but really memorable month and a half that we spent together with young jin, eliza my baby, and timachu. Just shows that in life is good.
Hmm... can't wait till oct. 19th 2009. Engagement. werdd....
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| Two months since I been back to New Jersey. Came down to decide whether or not to transfer colleges. From the prestigious Berklee College of Music to some unknown music college in Long Island, New York. But in the end decided to go back to Berklee and finish off the last year. Learned a lot through meeting new friends that came from Korea and Brazil. Just to take chances and go for it. That there is nothing to fear. With the last two months just earned so much wisdom and value from these friends. The Korean girl just coming to America to visit some hospitals but getting kicked out of some guys place cause she wouldn't go out with him. Yet found some good people here in New Jersey and have some joyous memories to go back when she goes to Korea. The two korean brazilian people eventually joining our group and just hanging out everyday. Hm... guess i'll try to write more later about it.
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| Man. I'm seriously gonna go crazy one of these days. I thought maybe coming back home would be a better choice. But it just gets fucking worse. Being in Boston sucks ass even more cause of different types of reasons.
First I can't do shit with my dad around. He told me that I'm such a loser because it SEEMS like I'm chatting all the time which half the time I'm solving math problems upstairs busting my fucking head and I practice in the mornings. He dosen't like it when I get involved with church. Well fucking sorry? Telling me that I get sucked into it too much. Yea my fucking ass I am. I only go sundays and I decided to play for the 15th anniversary concert shit and I just been practicing a lot for it and he bitches at me for that. Well thank you for encouraging me to play the violin more.
Then the korean girl I couldn't find her a place to stay so she's staying at my friend young jin's house and i bring her to my place so she wouldn't be alone in the house. So that young jin wouldn't feel uncomfortable and also his brother. When i bring her my mom gives me shit saying about how dad will get pissed off that you bring people seriously what the fuck.
Then i'm going up to boston so I brought the korean girl along and I get more shit. I'm sorry I didn't explain it beforehand but I kept telling you that I was gonna tell you the story later cause i was still so agitated about the whole situation and you kept saying how you were so shocked and well i'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you for the favor either. I really don't want to hear that disappointment in your voice which I already hear from everyone else. It's not like I wasn't gonna pay you back the money or anything. Seriously if you just want to act yourself then do it. You didn't have to call me and tell me that i lectured you to smile or something. I won't say anything more since we're already over and it's not really relevant.
My mom always tells me that everything is my fault. Why dad is always mad and everything else. She keeps saying how I"m such a disappointment for switching schools. How i'm a disappoint to her cause i wasn't strong enough to endure the anxieties. Well fucking shit I went through a lot last semester and kept dealing with different types of shit No fucking wonder i couldn't get over them. Since i'm back home and relaxed a little bit more I feel so much more fucking better. It's a better idea getting over them quickly instead of lingering on and on saying how freaked out i am.
to put it to a rest, all i'm saying is i'm really fucking tired of nonesense. I"m doing all of this shit for my own good. Getting to kno the korean girl so I would have some good connections when I go there. Transfer schools so I could live better. Play in the orchestra to prove to people that I'm a better person then what they think I am.
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| Usually I come on xanga to rant and write down shit that pisses me off. I guess I been pissed off a lot these days since I been writing xanga frequently.
I'm so tired of people telling me to be a man. I mean shit I know I'm a guy and I need to be tough but there are things I man up on. There are a lot of things I try to take care of issues and solving them. Man I been in Boston for 2 weeks and shit just kept going down. My anxiety kept building up and I wasn't relaxed at all because of my major switch and what my father would do if he knew. Then I come down to Jersey just to take a semester off. Try to transfer to another school. Probably go to some school near here would suit me better and make me more calm and relaxed. The moment I come back he tells me to be a man and just face it. Well dad we're in the 21'st century and not in the 70's anymore. I'm pretty sure you didn't have a computer where it crashed on you and deleted all of your compositions all in less then a minute. Which I been storing and collecting for 3 years. I tried to be a man and I tried to handle the stress but I just couldn't do it. I just reached my limit. What's so wrong about that.
I know that your getting tired of paying tuitions and everything. I'm not exactly happy myself that your working hard to pay me graduate out of college. But I just feel like this transfer will be worth the time and effort. If you only put yourself in my shoes then you'll probably understand a little bit. Right now I'm trying to put myself in your position and try to understand how tired you are also and I'm sorry. But I just feel like it's gonna be better this way.
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